Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
