Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
