he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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