I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
