So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
