I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
