This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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