I wish I could teleport
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize