you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
