Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
