I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
