The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
