Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
