It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
