Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
