You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
