come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
His nipple licking is glorious
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