We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
