I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
