Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
