who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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