Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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