Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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