your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize