You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
