I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
