It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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