When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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