My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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