so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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