after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
