he thought i was a dude.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
