wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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