If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
