Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
