I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
