And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
