If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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