It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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