Your face is a jimmy john
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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