if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
