her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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