The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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