I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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