Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
