an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
