pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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