the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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