I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
