girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
