"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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