Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
