he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
