I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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