I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
