i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
