I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
