Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
