Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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