Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
