Apparently you make a good broom.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
