I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
