We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
worst night to have a conscience
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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