He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
