you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize