What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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