I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
