i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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