Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He? As in you personified your dick?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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